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Has a bug ever landed on your computer screen, and your initial reaction is to try and scare it away with the cursor?
Since it started snowing the kids have done nothing but stand at the window staring... If it gets any worse I will have to let them back in.
Things got a little awkward when the hostess asked the Native American family if they had a reservation.
I just invented a new drink with Root Beer, 6 oz of Gin and Chocolate Bailey's. It's called "Time for the Liquor Store."
Makin' it rain! JK that was Jesus
Leaving water next to a plant then letting it die shows the other plants in the house Im not about to put up with their shit
ALLLLL those years of Spongebob and we STILL don' know the secret formula! spongebob
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but i always figured if you had enough money, you could have a key made.
have you ever looked at somebody and said to yourself, "that's the sperm that won?"
Sometimes I miss doing drugs. Its sad to think the next time I get that "I cant feel my face" feeling Ill be having a stroke
The sparkle you see in my eyes is the beginnings of a plot to knock you off that high horse...
they keep saying the right person will come along, i think mine got hit by a truck
They say that what does not kill you makes you stronger. Then why aren't I Superman by now??
the fact that my crazy is mixed with complicated just makes me a little more lovable than most :)
I'm stuck between a rock and someone I want to hit with it.
My mom always told me to give my useless toys to the less fortunate, that's why I don't get mad when I see my ex with another girl.
I am sitting here looking at the most amazing person I have ever seen, smart, funny, caring, and absolutely stunning! Yes, I am looking in the mirror!
if you were on a deserted island and you could only bring one item, how come people never say "a boat"
men like intelligent women because opposites attract
Question for all you Facebook junkies: What's the longest you've ever gone without checking your Facebook?
1. SMACK! 2. SMACK!! 3. SMACK!! what the heck?! the sheep I'm counting in my head must be tired too cause they keep running into the fence... GOOD NIGHT all :)
Thinks its annoying that people who snore always fall asleep first...but I'm gonna get there first tonite!! Muwahahahahaha!"
You know you're sleepy when you try to harvest the trees in Cafe World! :P
wants to know where my night-time, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, how in the hell did I end up on my kitchen floor medicine is... NyQuil take me away!!!
Friends are like potatoes, if you eat them, they die. So don't eat your friends!!
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it's for them?
I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak. Sometimes, not remembering mey be the better.
Does anyone know if it's worth signing up for this sex offender registry? Will I learn any new moves or techniques?
Lindsay Lohan to play Linda Lovelace in pornstar biopic. Exactly whose reputation is at stake here?
So guess how many of my my co workers know how to cook meth? All of them.